Thursday Special

Inside The Mind Of A Woman

By Sarah George

I am going to let the secret out. And every man will thank me after they read these next few paragraphs. Finally, you will all know, how to satisfy a woman and keep her around forever.
First and foremost, the best time to meet a woman is in a bar, when you have that "I have had way to many tequila poppers for my own good" feeling.

Be sure to strip down to nothing but your beer stained undershirt, or "wife beater", as they are so appropriately nicknamed. Women find this look extremely classy and attractive.
Maybe for some added flavour you might want to forget to pull your pants zipper back up after you urinate, which in order to be most effective, you should be doing in an alley or on the sidewalk in front of the club you are at. Also be sure to not wash your hands after.

Us ladies love all that.

So now that you look hot, it's time for the approach.

Be sure to stumble as much as you can when walking up to her, and if at all possible angle yourself so you fall into her. If you can make her spill your drink as you do this, you're as good as hers. Chicks dig clumsy guys. We think it's cute.

When you talk to her, you want to make sure you have a distinct smell emanating from you. This is what she will remember you by, and it says a lot about your appeal.
Ix-nay on any gum or breath mints. You want this chick to think you're a real drinker, don't you?

Aren't you glad you passed on the offering of deodorant earlier? There's no way she's going to respect you if you reek of Gillette sport. You want her to know you're a real man, and real men sweat, right?

Think up a good pick up line ahead of time. One of my all time favorites is "I like your jeans, did you design them yourself?"

If she gives you a dirty look and walks away, that basically means she wants you, but is too nervous to act upon her desire.

The best thing to do in this case would be to follow her around and never leave her sight. Tell all the other guys there she's your date. Then she won't have to worry about them all coming on to her and will feel a lot more comfortable around you.

If she slaps you, she is merely showing her own desire to be spanked. So make your princess happy and return the favour, preferably in the most cushioned part of her behind, or, if you really want to get her going, grab one of her breasts. Yeah, we love it when guys do that.
Now, another sure fire way to snag the girl of your dreams is on the dance floor. Get your beer and walk on out there, right in the middle.

Chug your beer in it's entirty, spilling as much as possible on yourself. This will show her that you are as manly as they come.

Stand and sway to the music, moving ever so slightly. The fact that you can't keep up with the beat makes you stand out of the crowd, which makes you extremely sexy.

When you spot your queen, she will be dancing in a group with all of her friends, laughing, and having fun. While it may appear as though she is having a good time, this is really nothing more than a cry for help. Basically your woman is begging you to come and sweep her away from her "friends" so she can have some serious fun, with you.

What you want to do is make your way until you are directly behind her, and then move your hips front to back, and back and forth, in a sort of twisting-grinding motion. be sure to press as hard as possible against her. This will show her what a sex machine you are. She'll definitely be going home with you tonight.

Once again, you might not get the reaction you know you deserve, but keep in mind this is only because women think in extremely mysterious ways, usually the will do one thing when they mean to do another. So if she moves away, keep getting behind her, even if you have to do this eight times.

Women find persistence to be a sexy quality. And it saves her the hassle of chasing you.
So now, here you are, completely out of pickup lines, all danced out, and you still don't have a lady friend to call your own?

Never fear, my fine male friend. You were probably just too much for the ladies to handle in one shot. Women need time when it comes to men like yourself, after all, we are nothing more than little bunny rabbits trapped in a corner, by you, the big bear with claws.

Once we get over our insecurity and realize that we are deserving of a man such as yourself, you'll be too hot to handle.

Watch out, ladies!